Unveiling, a poetic rendition

G'vurot

You ever constantly go, breathing life into the dead,
Great Reviver,
nourishing life compassionately.
With overflowing tenderness, You infuse the dead with life,
supporting those who have fallen, healing those who are ill,
untying those bound, seeding hope for those in need.
Who is like You, One Who transcends strength itself?
Who can even come close to You, Powerful One,
Who guides us both out of and into life,
Who causes unseen sources of help to spring up,
Who unceasingly folds life into the dead?
Blessed are You, Sower of life into the dead.

Psalm 23

You are my shepherd. I shall not want.
You bring me to green pastures, lead me beside still waters.
You guide me on paths of righteousness, restoring my soul.
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me.
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You have arranged a table before me
in the presence of my enemies,
You have anointed my head with oil, my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in Your house forever.

In the name of ______ and in the presence of her/his family and friends, we consecrate
this monument to her/his memory, with love and with honor.

May her/her soul be bound up in the bond of life. And may we say, Amen.

Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains
from where shall my help come?
From You, Maker of heaven and earth,
Who will not allow my foot to be moved,
my Guardian will not slumber.
Behold the Guardian of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.
You are with me,
the sun will not smite me by day, nor the moon by night.
You keep me and tend my soul.
Guard my going out and my coming in
from this time forth and forever.

God, Who tends those with tender hearts,
Who mends those whose bones ache,
be with those who mourn.
Walk by their sides and be with them compassionately.
Surround them with the mysteries and beauties of life.
Touch their hearts and hold them close You.
Comfort them and cloak them with peace.
Amen.

Read silently:
May God remember _________
May she/he be at peace.
May the beauty of her/his life shine and
may my life bring honor to her/his memory.

Add your own prayers/thoughts silently

El Malei Rachamim:

God filled with compassion, Who dwells on high,
grant rest under the wings of the Shechina
among those who shine in brightness,
for ____ daughter/son of _______who walked to her/his next world,
may s/he rest in the garden of Eden.
One of Compassion, hold her/him in the shelter of Your wings,
and enfold her soul in the bonds of life.
May s/he rest in peace.
And let us say, Amen.

Kaddish (See a siddur)

May the Source of peace, send peace to all who mourn
and comfort to all who are bereaved, among us, in Tzion V'rushalayim
and throughout the world, and let us say,
Amen.

Ritual for Person Dying

It is time. God sends for you.
Go and God will be with you.

You are blessed and watched over.
God's Presence shines upon you and sheds grace all around you.
Garb in light, for peace will be upon you.

God's angels come to your sides.
On your right, Michael, to carry your prayers.
On your left, Gavriel, to protect you.
Before you Uriel, to light your way.
Behind you, Raphel, to heal all hurts.
Over and all around you,
Shechina, rest in her wings.

Be strong and of good courage.
Leave your fear for God is with you.
As the eagle rises within her nest and hovers over her young
as she spreads her wings, takes them, and bears them upon her back,
awake North wind, and come, South,
blow upon my Garden, that the spices therein flow out.
Let my beloved come into her/his Garden, and eat its precious fruits.
Open the gates.

God will keep you from all evil.
God will watch over your soul.
God will guard your leaving and your coming in
from this time forth and forever.

(When the soul leaves the body)
Shema Israel Adonai Eloheynu Adonai Ehad.

May you be covered with God's pinions.
May you take refuge under God's wings.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night nor
of the arrow that flies by day.
Walk in the light.
Peace has come.
Rest in her arms.
Amen.

© 2008

Viddui-Final Confession

My God and God of my ancestors,
accept my prayers.

Forgive me for all the sins and wrongdoings
I've committed in my lifetime.
I beg Your pardon.

May I lose my way no more.
Cleanse me of my wrongdoings.
Shield me from further suffering and disease.
Send healing to me,
and to all who suffer.

My life and recovery depend upon You.
And if You have decreed my death,
be with me, and shelter me in the shadow of Your wings.
I pray that You make a place for me in the world to come.

And Guardian of the vulnerable,
please, I pray,
protect and care for those whom I love,
with whom my soul is bound.
Tend them and walk with them.

I now place myself into Your hands.

Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheiny Adonai Echad.
Adonai Hu Ha-Elohim.
Adonai Hu Ha-Elohim.

©2008

Ritual for Person in Coma near Death

Our God and God of our ancestors
all now is in Your hands.
Forgive and release any hurts or wrong doings.
Lift up all fears.
Wash them away.

Let goodness flow over us and surround us now.
Help us ready for this next passage.

May all worries be eased.
Walk alongside of us and be with us
for our souls are intertwined.

Come close to us.
Bathe us in Your light.
Love us and carry us.
Shelter us under Your wings.

Ready a place in Your garden for the One we love.
Into Your hand we trust her/his soul.
Gently, lovingly tend him/her.

God blesses you and watches over you.
God's Presence shines upon you and sheds grace all around you.
God garbs you in light and bestowes peace upon you.

Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Ehad.
Adonai Hu Ha-Elohim.

May Your angels come to our sides.
On our right, Michael, carry our prayers.
On our left, Gavriel, protect us.
Before us, Uriel, light our way.
Behind us, Raphael, heal all hurts.
And over us and all around us,
Shechina, shelter us within your wings.
Amen.

© 2008

Ritual for Divorce-Weathering the Passage

The passage of divorce.

To what does this compare?
To the earth when it moves and quakes and shifts beneath our feet,
and everything shifts place.
Things shatter, re-arrange, foundations crack.

Years have past. I return to share some tools to help those who follow, for those who are traveling through the craggy pass of divorce.

I knew I needed to punctuate this passage of time, this time of crisis, leave-taking, and death. And I knew as well this time held unprecedented possibilities for deepening and growth.

I chose to travel through a traditional Jewish divorce with a bet din (rabbinical court).
I needed a time-bound ceremony that reached into the past, connecting with others of my people who had traveled through the very same gate through which I was passing.

I also wanted to stand in the traditional ceremony as an equal participant.
Rather than having the ceremony "happen" to me, I wanted to sculpt this time.
So I shaped new forms to stand with the old.

I first looked back at the wedding ceremony, to undo the bonds that once bound, to relinquish the vows made, of seeing the other as sacred, of setting myself apart.

I was deeply struck by the powerful loneliness of divorce.
Unlike one mourning a death, for divorce there's no burial and no shivah.
(7 ritualized day of mourning)
No one brings over food, comes and stays near to offer comfort, nor holds one's hand.
One does not rise in schul (synagogue) for the kaddish surrounded by community.

Thus I strove to create ritual to mark this time.

Drawing from Rituals of Weddings and Mourning:
Just as the time before a wedding, the evening before the get ceremony, I began my fast.
In the morning I recited the Viddui ( the confessional, acknowledging having gotten off the path) recited before one's marriage, on Yom Kippur, and on one's death bed.

Paralleling Yom Kippur, I wore no jewelry and no makeup. I dressed in white, worn on Yom Kippur and at burial, color of purity, cleansing, holiness.

Aloneness and companionship:
The evening and morning before the get ceremony, I was alone.
I needed time to spiritually center myself. As done at death, the rest of the day, I arranged for a changing shomeret (shifts) of friends who drove me, stayed with me through the traditional ceremony as my witnesses and with whom I shared my evening meal.

The ceremony and my document: (attached)
I purchased special paper and hand wrote the evening before the get ceremony, a letter of release to my husband. The document blended sections reminiscent of the ketubah (marriage contract) as well as of the traditional get (divorce document).

The next day the traditional ceremony began with the acknowledgment that no party was there under duress. While the scribe was writing the get, my husband and I were dismissed for a few hours. During that time I met with a woman friend, who read aloud the document I had written, and who listened as I in turn, read it aloud to her.

Both the reading and the listening made what was happening that day more real, and having that witnessed by someone who cared about me greatly comforted me. When returning to the bet din, the get, my husband's release of me was read. It was handed to me and as is tradition. I walked with it, signifying my acceptance of it, then silently dropped in into my ex-husband's hands. Certificates were prepared officially certifying the legal status of the divorce. As we rose to leave I handed my document of release to my ex-husband, thus completing for me, the get ceremony.

After the ceremony:
On returning home, using water, symbol of life, purification and renewal, I washed, as is customary to do when leaving the graveside. I changed from clothes of white to garments of color.

I shared my evening meal, prepared by women friends, a meal of consolation. Lighting colored candles, we spoke of endings, beginnings, the road of color, reflecting on what we wanted for ourselves as women standing in the world.

The evening concluded as we all walked around the block, done traditionally at the conclusion of Shivah, making a circle symbolizing life's continuity, honoring how life's path would now be different.

Additional Thoughts:
It may happen that some on the Bet Din (Rabbinical court) may be uncomfortable with your sadness, with tears. Claim your emotions regardless. It is your passage, not a time to take care of others.

Remember divorce is a journey as well for one's extended family, parents, and siblings. They too have strong residues of pain, anger, hurt and sorrow, that often have few condoned routes through which to be proceeded.

We may need to instruct those who love us on how best to help us as we struggle through the process of divorce. We may need to ask them just to listen, without attempting to cheer us up, assure of better days, or relate stories of others who have it worse. People who love us feel so helpless, they often don't know how to aid us. We need teach them.

Find the support needed. Work through the feelings, the grief, the pieces that need examining and re-doing. Look at the part you played. Do this for yourself, and if parenting, for your children.

Divorce is a passage, where when we do our work and emerge, nothing remains the same.
Our traditions enable us to go into the waves, open us up, break through the numbness and aid us feel the surge of powerful emotions embedded in this time.

If we go with it, experience it, and confront the issues, potential is released for the refining of our spirits, the stretching of our souls, the realigning of our lives.

To what does this compare?
To the earth when it moves and quakes and shifts beneath our feel and everything shifts places. Things shatter, re-arrange, and we rise up, and then create, again, the story of our lives.

Form of Release:

On the ____day of the week, the ____ day of ___________57__ since the Creation of the World, the ___________day of __________20___ as we reckon time here in _______(city) ,___________(state/province)., I ____________daughter of ________ and _______________(Hebrew name)_____________________do depart from the bindings and vows of kedushin that took place _________years ago on ___________in _______________,__________ to ______________son of ___________and ___________(Hebrew name)__________________________________


This day I am no longer bound to the task and to the commitment to cherish and honor you in faithfulness and in integrity as my husband.

This day I am no longer bound to stand as wife, companion, and partner.
This day I am no longer bound by honor or by law to affirm and maintain
kedusha within our relationship.
This day I am no longer set aside, special to only you.

This day the kedushin vows become null and void.
I am no longer bound by the vows of kedushin.

Hereby I am no longer kedusha to you, no longer your wife, and
you are no longer kadosh to me, no longer my husband.

On this day according to our tradition I depart as a free woman.
I stand as a free agent in the Jewish community, in the world and before myself.
I stand having completed our people's traditional way of unbinding a marital relationship.
I stand as a Jewish woman with dignity and with strength.
I stand restored to a single unit as a whole and complete person.

This shall stand as a document of release and as a letter of freedom in accordance with the values of the our people, Israel.

______________________________Hebrew name

Witness________________________Hebrew name___________________
Witness________________________Hebrew name


Additional Notes:

Only a traditional get (Orthodox) is deemed "official" by all movements of Judaism.
Without this ceremony should a man or woman desire to marry again traditional rabbis will not officiate at the wedding. It effects the status of future children, as without this ceremony they are seen being outside the Jewish community and traditionally cannot ever marry another Jew.

In the traditional ceremony it is the man who "releases" his wife.
The rabbinic court is composed of three men in addition to the scribe.
Technically the man summons his wife, although with pressure a woman can "persuade" her spouse to grant her a get, by law she has no recourse should he refuse. Thus many will include this provision as well as its payment in the secular divorce negotiations.

A shivah is traditionally a seven day period of mourning divided into stages, where a mourner remains at home and where there are prescribed and numerous customs guiding dress, grooming, speech, prayer, food, and contact with others.

The scribe calligraphies a handwritten one page Hebrew document called a get with special paper, pen, quill and ink. There are special rules prescribing who can be a scribe, ritual requirements, etc.

© 2008

Miscarriage-Hold me now

Ha-Yotzeir, One Who shaped me,
Who formed me out of moistened clay,
Who rolled and pinched and sculpted the world,
hold me now.

You Who enable wisps of seeds to grow,
Who partnered the life which grew inside me,
shelter me.

Life was gifted. Life removed.

Ha-Yotzeir, shape me a place where I can weep
and mourn the loss and
let the empty place inside me
cry.

Help me say goodbye to the child
who was growing within me,
to the dreams I bore,
to the love I held for that ripening soul,
plucked away.

Let my voice ring, a mother's call, wild to the universe.

And You, stand by me, at my side,
and watch my tears fall and touch the earth.
Hear my pain and hold me.

Life grows in realms of shadow and light.
Black of night bequeathes rest to the soul.
Darkness bears gifts.
Renewal to growing things.
Both have much to teach me.

The rhythms of the earth,
as steady as the beat of the heart,
light and dark, and dark and light,
continue.

Sun rises and sun sets.
Night falls and then sun rises once again.

Ha-Yotzeir, You Who shaped me,
heal my body and my soul.
Mend my spirit.
Thread new life among my bones.

Ha-Yotzeir, You Who shaped me.
Walk with me this while.

Companion me,
hold my tears and lift my soul.
Help me to find ground again,
to feel the earth beneath my toes,
to smell the beckoning scent of rich soil,
to see the shoots of green emerge through winter bed, determined hands grasping life,
to hear the sap rushing within.

Ha-Yotzeir,
Shaper of new forms, Sower of life,
Plant within me kernals of new visions.

I kneel to plant a seed of life,
an act of faith.
Take my hand and for a time,
hold it tight.

© 2008